Going nowhere fast

My mind and body are rotting away, E feel so ragged, E ain’t got nothing to say, a wounded shadow ov my former self, no E ain’t that happy with thee state ov my health, there’s battle scars ov victories that thee government won, my nerves are torn and shattered when thee day is done, E don’t find it easy to accept thee past, there’s just a raging war zone deep inside my heart. E don’t wanna be so bitter but E have got no choice, E had so much to say but you have silenced my voice, E am finished with this world cause its just so unfair, how can E survive where not a stranger cares? E am only twenty two but E feel sixty five, E should be full ov life but E am barely alive, you ripped away my soul as soon as E could talk and now you try to tell me it was all my fault, E don’t need your constant fighting, E don’t need thee pain, E just wanna reassure myself that E must be insane, like this world that E inhabit E ain’t got no chance, cause a world like this ain’t going nowhere fast. (1989)

People

People just don’t care, just don’t care for me, my mothers a brainwashed victim, she don’t see what E can see, she ignores all thee problems but where’s her fucking life? Its lonely, sad and boring, what a waste ov fucking time, she thinks E am stupid, thinks E am dumb, thinks E am like this to annoy, but E never cast out someone E loved, never lost my little boy, she just don’t care, she shows no love, so she gets none in return, she spends her life with a fascist drunk, so she’ll never, ever learn, E hate her for it and he doesn’t deserve my thoughts, E am not thee one who beats my wife and kids and preaches my own law, so E know people don’t care, they just don’t give a shit, and E am going crazy with my love ov man, find it hard to now exist, E work for this firm and no-one talks to me, E sit here day after fucking day, while inside my head E scream, but if E leave E cant pay thee rent and again E am on thee street, and E couldn’t survive it this time round, this world has got me beat, what can E do? What should E do? Why aren’t E allowed to live? E just wanna be in my own way, E just wanna love and give, but thee goddamned Christian Tory fascists, wont leave me alone, so they’ve made me feel so useless, worthless, no-one on my own, but E wont let up, E wont give in, a nobody can be someone, E could wreak my vengeance on thee world if E only had a gun, but violence isn’t thee answer, no matter how right it seems, because E wont drag myself down to their scum tactics, that’s not in my dreams, E wanna live, E wanna love, E want to be finally free and E want this gift for everyone so at last we all can see, what evil has done to this world, and how many lies are told, but will E be free to be happy or will E just grow old? Can E ever say E have reached my dreams or will they fade in time? Can E ever see that people care? Will E ever cleanse my mind? E only ever wanted to be happy, loved and free, but there’s so many people that just won’t let me be me. Something’s gotta change. (14/11/90)