“Thee dope, thee sex and all thee avenues we travelled were nothing more than rebellion against a world that preached one thing but failed to provide an example ov it. Thee whole trip in thee sixties was thee product ov a society that spoke lies and denied their children something or someone to respect, and unfortunately society remains thee same.” –Charles Manson

Some change?

Feeling ill, feeling tired, fed up with this constant nothingness, maybe E am going crazy, what happened to thee wild and heady days E used to enjoy? Are drugs my only recreation? Ov course not but E need cheering up, E need some freedom, some change, something unexpected, things are becoming too robot-like, too routine style, thee god-damned hierarchy ov control, thee fucking government, thee fucking church, shit E feel worthless, unrespected, where is thee worlds love? Who cares for me? Just a handful ov people, when E care about everyone, E want everyone to be free, people seem to think that E am kidding myself, but E know E am right, E am more knowledgeable now than E have ever been, it’s just paranoia and lack ov drive that slow me up, E need to mellow, to relax, incense and thee avalanche, coloured lights and candles, good food and sex, someone to tell me E exist and E matter! Round and round in circles we go, back to old scores and broken promises, E can smell thee lies but E can’t understand, E can’t handle it, E say nothing, but it’s pathetic, E have got things to do you said, you didn’t mention what, secrecy causes paranoia, what about being open and true? E guess that’s not for you, god E hate this place, it brings me down, E wish E had some acid, E wish E could go home smiling, E wish E could cut loose, get wasted, it’s important to relax Genesis said, but E never seem able to, E am always tense, always worked up, E don’t want to work for these fascists, E want to work for me and for thee freedom ov thee world, we deserve to be free, we deserve to be we! E know what E want to do but E just never seem to do it, to do anything, if there’s one thing acid is good for it’s for cheering me up, E want to make, create, know, be happy in myself, feel good about myself, feel good about thee world but it’s hard, E can be so selfish but E don’t think E ever impose it on anyone, unlike you my friend, always competing, always for some reason, trying to be like me, feeling opposed by me, your insecurity shines through, your paranoia creating mountains out ov molehills about reasons, it’s all a bit too much sometimes, sometimes E just wanna get out ov all this shit, E just don’t wanna be here sometimes. What E want and what E need, it makes me scream, it makes me bleed, E cry and curse and die inside, while outside now E have nothing to hide, E am an easy target for your abuse, but you’re too blind to see thee truth, my brains a whirl, my thoughts a blur, E wish to be free ov this earth, don’t tie me down, don’t torture me with ignorance and fascist lead, leave me alone, leave me to be, just everything E long to be, E need to travel to see thee world, E live for thee experience to learn, E am scared, E am cold, how can you not care? Your selfish words they rip and tear, E need to create, E need to be loved but not by lies from up above, why can’t people be together? Making this world their own heaven, kill me then if that’s your wish cause E don’t know E can handle this anymore? (22/10/90)

Today

On days like this, E feel optimistic about thee world, in a haze like this, E know E can watch thee truth unfurl, with a moment such as this, all at once is mine to see, cause on days like this, E feel as life was supposed to be, E got no kinda downers, no-one getting at me, E got time for myself, E got time to be free, it’s a beautiful day within my beautiful mind, E wanna tell all thee world that E am feeling fine….today, on days like this, E smile even though E don’t choose, it’s so groovy like this, E don’t feel so bad about following rules, all that matters is myself, and keeping my brain alive and well, feed your mind and teach your soul, E love to fly and E long to melt, on days like this, there’s a lesson to be learnt from what E feel, heed thee warnings but be yourself, realise that thee world is not so real, tell your lovers and your friends, that there’s more to life than what they own, don’t need no mortgage, don’t need no car, thee whole world is here to be my home, E have no idea why E feel this way E guess E just feel good today….but will it last? (1990)

Mdmamazing