Myself (can’t be good for my health)

E was going insane, E had gone right out ov my brain, and in thee pepper van plane, well E just couldn’t contain myself….it can’t be good for my health, thee day before by thee castle, thee speed is in my veins, thee drink and drugs crescendo and tonight E have done thee same, it was a freezing Hastings evening and thee blow pipe went down well, but as my mind went spiralling upwards my body went rebel, E was on thee bus, outside thee bus and now E am back on again, but E am slumped in amphetamine exhaustion, there’s no steam inside my train, thee video rolls thee house is acid, there’s a sampler in my ear, repetition, repetition, repetition, repetition, no wonder E feel weird, well E left behind thee Gaye pranksters and E staggered to Trafalgar square, have to wait another twenty minutes cause thee night bus just ain’t there, E made it home at half past six and E crashed out in my pit, got up at two know what E have gotta do, get to Harlow bloody quick, in thee square E made my apologies for what had passed thee night before, no-one seemed to mind, guess they had been there too, just a Technicolor yawn, thee Bykers played in my spectrum haze, got an offer ov a lift home, thee car broke down, my brain went round are you sure this is how it goes? It’s a sick world man! (1990)

Radio feedback

Just smoked a joint, switched off thee lights, tuned in radio to long wave and found a nice sheet ov radio feedback, lit some incense, tuned thee television to a white noise station for visual feedback then turned radio feedback up loud, found you could change tones and sounds with thee graphic equalizer, very stimulating, then found by moving television tuning control thee radio feedback changes, they are linked and move as one, got a message by chance on television sound, whole two ov us, wanna get some understanding, E started to masturbate, E asked for ancient occult knowledge to bring about wisdom and drive, E put thee psychick cross in front ov thee television and masturbated over pictures ov Gen and Paula while constantly asking for knowledge, thee orgasm was fantastic, thee sounds from thee radio seemed to echo my emotions, just stared and watched television now, sound still going, saw visions ov dolphins, religious symbols, spinning planets, spiralling galaxies, long tunnels, horses marching, a battlefield, Napoleon? Horses charging and leaping with soldiers on there backs, into thee valley ov death rode thee 4000, tunnels, trains, countries, world war two scenes, boats, Cambridge race, thee witch trials, men surrendering to prisons, a spiders web, thee sun, thee wind, men running, a city sinking into thee sea, Jesus on thee cross, some mushrooms, a crucifix, an atomic explosion, thee mushroom cloud, countries at war, kings and queens, a graveyard, a rose, a crown, New York harbour, statue ov liberty, gunfights, a priest, a parade, a double assassination, an aerial, a landscape, an explosion beneath thee water, a flat top mountain, E am El Cid. (3:23p.m. 27/03/91)

For reasons unbeknown to me E feel kind ov misrepresented by people around me today, thee scenes selfishness and showing off is quite pathetic sometimes and it all relates to thee way he thinks E behave towards him, and how he looks up to me and how E look to him, its very confusing, most annoying and evidently time wasting, is it worth it? E ask myself, still E guess that’s just thee way that paranoia manifests itself within our subconscious, am E happy? E question, well yes, and no, E can be but E am not always, because E am not free and that’s what E really need, that’s what everybody needs, E have been scarring myself recently with this sign.
A three with a vertical line through the centre of it, like a psychick cross.
It’s my sign, personal and meaningful to me, it symbolizes, power, freedom
and thee self, thee war against oppression, and thee war for my self, E enjoy
hurting myself, it reminds me E am here, it reminds me ov thee beautiful
power ov life, E want to live, E don’t want to die, dying young by your own
hand serves no purpose except starting again pure but experience-less. If E
could just have seconds, if E could just have five seconds, where E don’t worry
at all, where E don’t feel frustrated, where E don’t have to fall, where evil’s just a
nightmare and good’s a reality, if E could just have five seconds then forever E would be free. (1989)