Spectrum ov feeling

E am fucked up in my head right now, E am screwed up in my brain, my life has got no meaning in a world that’s so insane, E just don’t know what’s wrong or right, E know no good or bad, that’s why E am so depressed again, E guess E must be mad, no sense, no luck, no sympathy, E am steadily going down, E wish E had direction so my dreams at last are found, created to be frustrated E was born to always want, never knowing what tomorrow brings E guess my day is done, E lost my soul, E lost my heart, E nearly lost you too, E am so confused with my anger E could kill to stay with you, E want, E need, to sleep, to breathe, to be content with self, E lost my looks with history books, E have never had my health, don’t want to be left on my own, don’t want to be no one, sometimes E wish E would walk away into thee setting sun, a whirly gig kaleidoscope, a spectrum ov feeling and round and round and round E go, never knowing where E have been. (1990)

Self

It was a warped and twisted sort ov luck that has brought me to you here today, an evil sadistic kind ov charm to thee pulse ov my lifeblood. E wanna be able to guide those unfortunate bastards who have to go through shit like E have, but how can E? When E don’t know if thee battle is over, E ain’t happy and E ain’t content, E ain’t got no best friends excepting myself and my love, like a loner E trust only myself but need thee acceptance ov all others, to be able to soar is a need in my life, E need that kind ov freedom because it can’t be found naturally anywhere else in this scum infested urine hell-hole called society. Fuck your authority, who gave you thee authority? Not me, not anyone E trust or know, so how can E accept that what you say is going to be thee truth? You’re corrupt, you’re more corrupt than me or any ov thee so-called wild untamed youth, at least we don’t put ourselves on a pedestal and lie to get acceptance, E am me, accept me or don’t accept me, it’s always thee latter, but doesn’t that worry you? That there are people who don’t believe in your authority and it’s not that we are from bad stock or that we are young, just that we do not believe in your right to control. Freedom, we were born to be free, you constantly preach about thee free west but E have never seen it, Trafalgar square was thee first skirmish, we don’t want your fascist methods and holier than thou airs and graces, ignore it, burn it down, that’s what anarchy’s all about! This wont stop, this will never stop, thee young are either rich from daddy’s money or poor, from discontentment and rejection there can only come anger, fury and violence, it’s thee only power we have and thee only emotion you fucking bastards understand, you watch us die, you make us cry then don’t ask why we refuse to comply, ha what a fucking joke your system is, primitive and crude, thinking ov yourself does nothing but lead to destruction, communal work is thee only way to save this poisoned earth from thee stupidity ov thee past. Remember, we are young, one day you will be gone and we will still be here, we will watch you burn in hell for your self-centred attitude, whatever happened to choice, yeah E know it became a name for dog food how apt! How clever ov you. Thee force is rising, thee winds ov destruction will bring about thee end ov this pathetic excuse for a world ov being, E refuse to work for your pathetic little system, who do you think you are? Big brother? God! Well you committed thee first deadly sin then, never be anything but yourself, for it is only your self who will survive. Like a poisoned daffodil on thee first day ov spring rise with pride and reverberate, anger is an energy, anger is an energy, anger is. (1990)

Thee name ov thee rose, thoughts from inspirations

In order to command nature, one must first learn to obey it, thee devil is roaming this abbey, thee devil is hurling beautiful boys out thee window, something feminine, something diabolical, she is beautiful is she not, she comes from nature, so perverse what holiness can do for a virgin, rumours ov an anti-Christ? My fears were phantoms ov my youthful imagination, there’s no devil needed anymore, there’s too much blood in here, there’s no devil anymore, when god projects thee fear, do you think that god has abandoned this place? In our hearts do you think we burn? In an eternal hell do you now resist? Are you just too scared to learn thee prophecy ov thee apocalypse? Flesh can be tempted towards nature or against nature, contemplate thee apocalypse, old languages and none, E believe in thee poverty ov Christ, E believe in thee fascism ov god, wake up to thee apocalypse, heretic ov thee cross, anyone who disputes thee verdict ov an inquisitor is guilty ov heresy, thee pope as a fox, thee abbot as a monkey, merriment is viewed with indulgence, laughter is a devilish whim, laughter is particular to man, Christ never laughed, to ridicule thee enemies ov his faith, he restrained his cries and suffered for thee truth, but comedy is an instrument ov truth, not futile things that glorify, thee abundance ov your liberty, thee abundance ov your love, was self-indulgent for you alone not shared for everyone, un-natural caresses, un-natural control, control is a process ov suppression, suppression is a process ov control, control is a process ov a weapon, a weapon ov thee control process, no-one should be forbidden to consult hidden knowledge, different ideas, different wisdoms, to inspire evolution, to aspire change, to bring about unity, strength, freedom and laughter, laughter kills fear, without fear there is no faith, without fear ov thee devil there is no more need for god. (28/02/91)

And as E watch thee rain as falling through thee light, looks alright, looks alright, here in my day, thee middle ov thee night, got a head full ov passion, from thee love ov my life, got a thorn in my side from thee work that E do, but everything E do here E am doing here for you, E tell you, you are my reason and you are my fate, you must have fallen out ov heaven and walked right through my gate, like a summer meadows feeling you went straight for my heart, and now E cannot foresee life while we are apart, E sit, E think, E dream ov you, my every moment gleams ov you, and nothing E can ever do will make this moment change, E wish, E kiss, E scream with you and everything we see is true, and even when obscene with you our happiness remains, and as E watch thee rain as falling through thee light, looks alright, looks alright, thee first rains ov autumn are now falling all around, and something special happens as it falls on sacred ground, thee cap ov joyous liberty will reach out for thee sun, in morning dew thee mushrooms grew in spiral circle love, oh splendid mushroom take me where thee dragon lives and breathes, to swim through all thee highs and know thee meaning ov all things, to look so deep with my eyes closed, to travel down thee ancient roads, to walk with kings to break thee laws, to see all that has gone before, to hold thee hand ov my own thought, to do thee crime and not get caught, a funny thing to float on by, now which is sea and which is sky? Where fire burns more with thee air, where all that stands is what is dared, to be thee you inside ov you, to be thee earth and water blue, to dream ov cabbages and tings, these are a few ov my favourite things, while all around is there through you, heal thee wisdom coming to, row your boat gently down thee stream, merrily, merrily into thee sea, until you see, into thee sea, until you sea, thee see, sea, see, see, sea, see, see, sea, see, saw. (30/09/97)

Get wasted

Well E didn’t know what to do with myself, and E didn’t know what to say but thee smell ov burning in thee air made today a better day, so E lit myself a cigarette and as thee nicotine took hold, thee burning power took my brain and left me in thee cold, well they waste your life, they waste your time, they say you’ll never make it, well there’s just one thing to say to that that’s everyone get wasted! Well J did this and J did that and J really took my head, it was a double zero mind fuck and E thought E may be dead, but it’s better than life, it’s better than death, J makes your mind seem clear, so don’t keep J all to yourself but pass it over here. (1989)

Well she packs a snatch like man you never seen, it keeps you hungry all night and it wipes your face clean, well it’s that fun kinda heaven but it’s hotter than hell, and it’s open all day and all night E can tell, shall E go swimming tonight? Do you like a muff dive? It’s this kinda experience, yeah that keeps me alive, and you’re tasting ov honey and thee taste is so sweet and there just ain’t nothing nicer so drip your honey on me. (1989)

Feelings; it was not good

Feelings washing over me, through me, around me, part ov me, thee joining ov my self and soul, with some bisexual overtones yet asexual at thee very same time, all is one and one is mine, mine is one and all around, that three dimensional form ov sound, E feel heavier than lead yet E can float so high, is what E see really in thee sky? Is thee sky or is thee dream? Who knows what these points could mean? Thee earth is true it’s solid and cold, a vision ov their reality, a base, a home, thee existence proven from earth to earth, ashes to ashes, trust to sussed, and yet there are parasites who rob thee goodness from thee earth, ignorance to their own and everybody’s existence, you cannot steal, rob and pillage thee pillars ov existence, it’s a one way ticket to oblivion, these criminals must be stopped, we are infected with thee paranoid dis-ease ov greed and selfishness, and it was not good. Thee personification ov self is bubbling under. (Lost timezone)

“Some undeniably dangerous attitudes do exist in sciences present stance towards nature; and, to thee extent that these attitudes exist, they represent dangers to thee integrity ov human freedom and ov thee terrestrial environment” –Professor Thomas.R.Blackburn

“There is only one crisis in thee world. It is thee crisis ov transformation, thee trouble is that it is now coming upon us as a storm ov crisis, problems from every direction” –Professor John Platt

First law ov paranoia: no-one suspects………except perhaps! (10/05/91)

“Thee medicine man must learn complete oneness with all forms ov life how can he understand life if he is not part ov it? He must learn to live in thee heart ov thee coyote…he must understand himself as a coyote…he must actually see through thee eyes ov thee coyote, hear through it’s ears, to think it’s thoughts…” –Rolling thunder, chief medicine man ov thee Shoshone Indian nation

Only one world

Is this thee environment where you would teach me to live? Is this all thee thanks that Gaia gets for all that she can give? Is this genocidal suicide a decision made by me? Do E murder? Do E poison? Do E want this lunacy? No you have no respect for thee birds in thee sky, for thee fish in thee sea, all life has a right, no you have no respect for all life that shares earth, and earth is our mother, our link to our birth, and you poison thee water, thee water ov life, and you dare put a time and a price on our lives, and you slaughter our forests and sanctuaries too, and you wont respect me and E don’t respect you, there is only one world, stop and think, think and stop. (25/05/93)

Fiction

Do you really believe in what you read? Can’t you see it’s all fantasy? They tell you it’s all for thee best when thee reality is such a mess, it’s ignorance on which they thrive, if you don’t know then you can’t fight, do you think there’s less people on thee dole? Can’t you tell it’s fiction protocol, they say there’s no pollution in thee sea and they let you eat your fish for tea, they bury radiation beneath thee ground cause radiation don’t make a sound, do you know how many chemicals you take in? It’s in thee air you breathe and thee water you drink, do you think they tell you everything? It’s not a joke and E am not laughing, fiction everywhere you go, fiction on thee radio, fiction from thee powers that be, fiction, fiction endlessly, and on top ov thee pops what do they sing about? Do they sing about thee poverty in their hometowns? No they sing about how great that their life is, and thee younger generation believe that’s how it is, so they keep their reign ov power through your ignorance, that’s why you gotta realise that it’s all fiction, and thee only truth they know, is that if you find out then they will have to go, so remember when thee bombs are dropped, that you had it in your power to stop thee lot. (1989)

Why? (Is this world)

Why is this world such a fucked up place? E got a billion fucking problems swimming round my head, E don’t need this shit it just screws your mind, E didn’t wanna be a fucking part ov your mankind, why is this world? Why is this world? Why is this world? Why is this world? Why is this world such a Sodom Gomorrah? People hang themselves ‘stead ov facing tomorrow, thee bastards in power just don’t give a shit, they tell you that you’re free thee fucking hypocrites, why is this world? Why is this world? Why is this world? Why is this world? They watch you starve and die then wonder why you turn to crime; they strive to keep you dumb then wonder why you act like scum, why is this world so stacked up against me? Is it just that E wanna keep my liberty, don’t say E am anti-social cause E am your creation, when thee monsters turned and won E will have my celebration, why is this world? Why is this world? Why is this world? Why is this world? You’re gonna die, you’re gonna die, you’re gonna die and you wont know why, you’re thee fucking scum, you’re thee fucking scum, you’re thee fucking scum, you’re fucking time will fucking come. (1990)